Since getting Scott's diagnosis last week life has kind of been an emotional roller coaster. Disbelief and grief were definitely some of the first things we felt. Like it was a bad dream we would just wake up from. We'd roll over and face each other in the morning and say things like, "So was that a nightmare I had last night or do you really have the C-word in real life?" "Oh no babe, that was just a bad dream." It was unreal.
The reality of it all has set in for me in the last few days. It sucks. Cancer sucks. Dealing with insurance sucks real bad. Telling people about cancer sucks. Overall, not the funnest thing I've experienced for sure. Yesterday I was so angry. Angry that this cancer would dare think about even possibly spreading a few of it's ugly little cells to Scott's lung. Angry that MD Anderson thinks they should get $18,500 from us before even letting us step foot in their hospital. Angry that our insurance is being so slow about making the exceptions so we can go to MD Anderson and not pay cash out our rear ends. I wanted to scream at them over the phone! Angry that I've had a headache for three days. That this rain just. won't. stop. And that it's coming in our leaky dining room window.
Today I am tired. Just weary and irritable. Ariyah is bored with me and Scott and our distracted, busy selves.
Now don't get me wrong, we've also been very grateful for things along the way and we've had quite a bit of laughter. Some days are just rougher than others.
So tonight we went to Pho Tau Bay. Our favorite little hole-in-the-wall Vietnamese restaurant. We vented to Sashi and told stupid jokes and life is a little better now. Tomorrow we are going to Wichita for Rob and Sara's wedding. *Happy Sigh* I'm not excited about the cold, but I'm ready to get out of town with my honey and see our awesome friends. The spirits are sure to be lifted after this...
5 comments:
Heard about you all via Daisy. Just wanted to send good cheer your way and I'm glad to hear about you enjoying your favorite Vietnamese and your friends.
Megan..this is so good for you to write this out. It's honest. Just because you are a christian, doesn't mean that you won't be angry, that you wont' grieve, and that you also will have moments and sometimes days where you won't be "feeling it". I'm so happy to see your honesty...keep facing into it...and just know that there's a friend praying for you....who also hates hates hates the C word. It does suck. We grieve with hope. Praying you relax with friends...cry, laugh....live each moment to the fullest. Love you.
Daisy sent me your way. At times the details can drag us down and continue to swirl in heads but what you must remember is the bigger picture and keep hope in your heart. Always hope.
Hang in there Mackeys. We are praying and pulling for you and we love you!
Daisy sent me too! You are in my prayers. Thyroid problems run in my family. I had a biopsy a few years ago, and just that alone was the scariest thing ever. I pray that treatment and recovery goes as smoothly as possible!
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