A letter to my ladies -

To all of my beloved Lamaze & Natural Childbirth Patients:

I am a nurse who completely understands where you're coming from when you say you want to do childbirth without pain medicine or an epidural.  I dig it, really I do.  I'm right there with you when you say you want intermittent monitoring, a hep-lock, and the freedom to sway, walk, and do your labor dance.  I am so happy when you come in and I can be your nurse.  I love to go above and beyond just my normal nursing responsibilities - to support you, to be your cheerleader, to whisper soothing words in your ears, and rub your back as you muddle through labor.  I'll be your advocate, support your family as they support you, and reinforce what you already know - that you are strong, and that you can do this.  The truth is though, that sometimes after I care for the few patients like you, who don't want the drugs as soon as they are told they're being admitted for labor (and usually even before that), I go home feeling just a tad guilty.  I leave feeling as though I didn't do a good enough job for you and it kills me.  Those evenings, I think about you on my drive home and as I fall asleep.

You see, as I care for you my day gets busy.  I get another patient, I get behind on my charting, I have doctors who need assistance, and emergencies happen on the unit that draw me away from the sanctuary of your room.  These things start going down and I cannot be the intensely involved nurse that I want to be.  While I am away, I see you get exhausted, your husband/boyfriend gets weary, and then you decide to get an epidural or pain medicine.

Now, this is not all bad.  Drugs are freaking awesome at times.  Most of you still feel pretty dang proud of how far you got, how little intervention you really did need, and you should feel that way!  You got further than most chics do these days!

But, in some of you I see the twinge of disappointment in your eyes before that sweet, sweet relief hits.  I see the remorse I sometimes feel - that you didn't do as much as you possibly could have.  Maybe this isn't always true - I've been known to read into some things a little too deeply.  SO, I've come up with a plan to help avoid this situation.

From now on let's make an effort to change things.  Please, if you are dead serious about wanting to do this whole labor dealio without pain medicine, get ready for it!  Psych yourself up. Psych your baby's daddy up.  Read every book you can. Take a class. Talk to your doctor early in your pregnancy. Not all doctors are into medicine free labor.  That's fine - change doctors.  Find a midwife.  Exercise throughout your pregnancy. Eat well. Take your vitamins.  Pray. Know that things, especially labor, will not go exactly the way you plan it, so be ready to just ride it out. And, most importantly, bring backup.

Don't say all you need is your husband or boyfriend with you.  You will usually need more than that. And please don't bring just anyone with you.  Bring a doula.  A good one that you like and trust, with good recommendations.  This doesn't mean you have to hire one.  A doula is a women's helper.  Bring women with you who have been there and done that.  A woman who has been part of a completely natural labor and can support you with your husband - especially when he and YOU start to get tired and panic, and this goes beyond what you think is normal.

As your nurse, I want to do everything I can for you, but we have got to start working better as a team.  We have to make it so that at the end of the day, when all is said and done, we both feel that sense of accomplishment and no guilt.

Best wishes, your labor-loving RN.

P.S. Most of these things go right out the window if you have to be induced.  At that point, we play a different game - but I'll still be your cheerleader :)